Poetry
If a Crazy Man in Central Park Told You He Was Jesus
Most poems are written on a heavy heart, and mine are no different. Most of my poems have been written during episodes of depression due to an inconsequential love interest. I’ve been free of such episodes for quite some time, so these are from a while back.
To a Summer Past
Severed Rhymes
Severed Rhymes Redux
Rhymes Resevered
Inevitability
Sacrificing Clarity
Ignorance is Bliss
What is there twixt yourself and me?
Love? Hope? Three hundred miles?
There’s the horizon and naught else to see:
We frown since we cannot see our smiles.
I’ve spent two months short of a year,
Waiting to sweep you off of your feet.
Four with your voice within my ear,
Whispering words, loving and sweet.
We met and danced at the last ball
Then weeks we laughed and cried and talked
As summer slowly waned to fall
You lay at home whilst streets I walked.
You lay, my head in hand, in bed
Whilst I held yours in autumn night
We’d speak until our phones went dead
Or till the sun gave morning light.
But. The word that turns the situation faux
Appears so frequently within my mind
But this, but that, but, I don’t know;
And soon, ’tis all that I can find.
Three months have gone since we spoke last
Of summer plans and separate lives
Our love has fled us much too fast
And now it shrivels, soon to die.
For months you’d been my one addiction
But our paths may never cross again
Yet I will not dismiss my hopes as fiction
Aurevoir, my love, my dear, my friend.
My heart is frail and weak
For ne’er before hast this man fallen prey
To such a mischievous attack,
Such harmless play.
Great desperation must weigh heavy
On my soul, my breast, my mind
For me to such conspicuous deception
Fall victim. I am blind,
Or else I would have taken every hint,
Considered every line and word;
I would have criticized those things,
But even though I may have heard,
I should have listened. How I spring,
Pretend to have forgotten what you said.
I rhyme and eloquently cry,
I know not better. Perhaps take solace:
I feel your knives and needles every lie.
I can’t forget, try as I might,
The way that you devoured my esteem.
I had disposed myself of judgment
And let your words wind down my dream.
I can’t refute my undeniable affection
Which made me ready to forgo
The corpses you laid out for me to find.
You wondered whether I would know
That it was you, of maybe if I’d fall
And break my back against your laughter.
I will congratulate your play,
But cannot comprehend what you were after.
Was I the entertainment on a boring day?
Was my humiliation what you sought,
When you castrated my desire
With two rocks? I’m left pathetic,
My former self a broken, fallen spire.
I find myself repeating the mistakes
That others made and made forget,
But I ignore their learn’ned wisdom,
And for myself these failures I beget.
I cripple my existence with desire,
A sin in which I do not oft partake,
And yet I find my mind on fire
As passion leaves its giant burning wake.
I shear and tense against my bonds,
Attack the boundaries that do hold me in.
I struggle and I writhe, and I hold still;
But never give up hope that I may win
This – an outnumbered battle up a hill.
And how I wonder what a time would be
With you alone, no ties to keep you taught,
And me to come and whisper you myself
And fin’ly win this battle I’ve not fought.
But once is not enough. Tis but a dream
That fleets for good for me to never see.
But you sure know the feelings in my heart
That for a moment’s kiss my kingdom goes to thee!
If only would you give that chance
Where when I carry you aweigh across my chest
Clear of your sea of troubles, in crisp air
You sigh relief and smile so I may rest
And know that love extends both ways.
For does it? I bring you remedy for any ail
Or when I pay your troubles into naught
Do you respond with equal action or with stale
Consideration-lacking answers bought?
I know that all I do is of my own accord
But I am powerless to stop, to let you go
For if I give you up can I forgive myself?
Can I give up the feelings that I’ll never know?
I’ve no one left on earth to blame
For what’s become of me, myself, my will
And never had before. I have been weak
To my desires, but weaker still
When trying to invoke them to the world
As wonders, marvels, love! A coward!
I’ll be heard, too late, too little.
Oh what I’d give to be empowered,
Enough to speak my heart, to quell my mind,
To share a kiss, to hit or miss, but swing!
To put that which I own behind me, and stand!
And be a joyous pauper, who wants not rule
Alone, the king of his heart’s land!
I’m affluent in choices, chances, love,
Unchosen, all untaken, and realized none.
I’ve waited long enough, regretting much,
Of what I have, and more of what I haven’t done.
The time to act is now, and has been such
For ever that I can remember. To arms!
Take nothing, no armor, no defense, no weapons!
Leave yourself open to all harm
That comes your way. But chin up, march!
The future is beyond the hill, the battlefield,
The mountain you must scale and river swim!
Lay down your helm, forfeit your shield
And stand tall! Be willing to lose all
That you have worked to keep and hoard,
Than lose one’s self to stale inaction!
Don’t fear to be emotionally gored,
By warranted rejection to attraction!
Far better to have tried and failed,
Than never tried at all. And if I fall,
I will get up again to storm the stronghold,
A valiant warrior, bellowing love’s call!
Cruising the open at a steady speed
Living its life as its god decreed
Tucking its legs and beating its wings
Loving the world’s most beautiful things
Migrating south, then migrating north
Living summers for all they are worth
Mating each season in the same old nest
Everything is easy and its for the best
But one day waking to find it can think
Suddenly it’s become the weakest link
Animal instincts now suppressed by thought
Feeling confused and disturbed and distraught
A sentient mind can’t compete in the wild
Flight’s been replaced by the power to smile
But the joys of life are now clearly gone
Musing on whether it’s meant for everyone
Wings are gone and instead hands tie ties
Beak has changed to a mouth full of lies
Autonomous tasks always chosen alone
Are now grueling jobs away from its home
Taken from a boy was his early childhood
And thrust he was into life’s neighborhood
With every second that goes by
Every moment I will die
I change my world to fit the light
Hallucinating, I lose my sight.
For every moment in time’s way
A brain cell dies and every day
My mind grows weaker even now
I can’t find the answers to why and how.
I can’t keep up with what I know
I try to think but I think too slow
I reflect upon what I have learned
And I can’t: my mind’s been burned.
I walk from the answers
Away from solutions
And embrace all my cancers
Letting thrive my confusions
My delusions, illusions,
I reside in seclusion
From any salvation, elation,
Ignoring even temptation,
And I find I have no foundation
Upon which to stand tall
And to see, above, beyond,
All: that would help me solve
My complications, situations
With too many variations
In outcome. I’m blind,
With no one to confide in,
I’m forced to reside in
Total ignorance of bliss.
Thick with Issues 
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