ChristWire: 404/502 (You’re doing it wrong!)

May 25, 2009 at 10:51 am (Wrongs of the World) (, , , , )

I am opposed to any sort of theism, but I do not hate particular people whom I meet who happen to be theists. I am sure that I am friends with many of them, so I keep my views in check when discussing religion with them. Often times I am regarded as negatively for being an atheist as I regard them for being theists, but when the topic is not religion we usually get along great.

And I know that when it comes to organized anything, including religion, people are bound to blog, make web communities, start organizations. Atheists have certainly done so, just like marine biologists, nuclear physicists, poets, etc. But when someone comes out with a message along the lines of

404 Server Error – Page or Article Not Found
Our holy servers are currently experiencing miraculous amounts of high traffic and atheistic evils.

I have to stop because my otherwise boring day has just been interrupted by an uproarious fit of laughter. My coworkers are looking at me like I’ve just been shot (or had a violent seizure). And its not even done! They redund the message a little lower on the page:

404 Error Page Not Found
Refresh to find the article you wanted, and if that doesn’t work please keep praying for an hour and then check back.

Which isn’t quite as funny, but wasting an hour to make a page not found error resolve is just nonsensical. (If the page doesn’t exist, your prayers will do nothing to make it happen. One of the webmasters needs to actually upload that page.) There’s more! They took the time to (incorrectly) explain why 404s occur.

Why do 404 error messages occur?

Evil Democrat

Evil Democrat


The 404 Error message was created by an unholy menagerie of vile atheists, Democrats, liberals and Godless Soviets in the Year of our Lord 1992. We’re told through electronic pathogens and demonic incantation rituals, they managed to create ways to electronically limit the amount of lost souls and seekers of truth that ‘web servers’ could process in a given minute.

Though their machinations are evil and everlasting, through hope, prayer and clicking refresh you can eventually overcome these wicked limits during times when tens of thousands of people flock to ChristWire per hour to discover the works of True Christians.

Yes, that is indeed taken from ChristWire wherein any non-existent page will (hopefully) redirect you to that compendium of knowledge.

Christians: how can you take that? Do you wholeheartedly agree with ChristWire’s message? Or are you appalled at this blatant defamation of your faith via ignorance and hatred? If you find that this portrayal of your faith hurts Christians everywhere, send ChristWire a message via The Holy Mailbox.

By the way, as per Webopedia, the error that they incorrectly describe as a 404 is actually a 502 Service Temporarily OverloadedServer congestion; too many connections; high traffic. Keep trying until the page loads. Though I’m in doubt as to whether that has ever actually happened to them.

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Flying Spaghetti Monster vs God

April 15, 2009 at 6:13 am (Wrongs of the World) (, , , , , )

I read the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and just now read some hate mail they received (and was compelled to comment). I’ve echoed my comments below. Normally, I put up with people who I know are theists (more so now than I had before, thanks to the influence of Hemant Mehta who was kind enough to visit us at CMU last Friday, where much pasta was had). The letter below is nonsensical idiocy, complete with irrelevant references to the Holy Babble which I have attempted to rectify. Maybe it is okay to base your faith on personal beliefs, but how is citing a book, written by people two thousand years ago, with no requirement for not exaggerating and no knowledge of science (and an eye for spotting coincidences and ignoring non-coincident incidents) at all acceptable? This only reinforces my skepticism, and caused me to find the Skeptic’s Annotated Bible (which surely does not help ANY Christians get their apparently convoluted point across).

Anyway, onwards with the aggravating hate-mail:

How can you know that God is a F.S.M. if he is invisible? If he is invisible how can you see him?

If something is invisible, then those wavelengths of light that we perceive are not emitted by the object at hand. However, just because you cannot see it does not mean that you cannot feel His Noodly Appendage.

What is said on this website, in your books and amongst yourselves doesn’t change what the Bible and the real word of God says. Gods word is like gravity, just because people don’t believe in it doesn’t mean it’s not true and doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences to jumping off of a cliff. Someone can easily say “I don’t believe in gravity because I can’t see it, etc..because it’s an old belief….” but that doesn’t change the fact that it is there. This is like Gods laws for all of humanity.

His Noodliness allowed for heretics to create the fake book so titled the Bible, for it amused His Meatballs. Additionally, the Flying Spaghetti Monster does not speak; consequently, whatever word you think is His is surely the lies of some B.C. fiction writer(s) out of a job (goat herding).

Have any of you ever seen your own brain? Does that mean that it isn’t there? Have any of you ever seen your heart? Does that mean that it isn’t inside your body still beating? Have any of you ever seen your soul? Does that meen that it isn’t there?

I cannot claim to have seen my brain, but if you volunteer, I will check that yours is indeed in your head. The same goes for your heart, though I’m sure a CT or an MRI would suffice. And have you ever seen the FSM? I have. In fact, there is an IMAGE of His Noodliness on my bumper sticker (and apparently, on t-shirts, sidewalks, potted plants, clouds, and other locations worldwide).

The fact is that we do have souls and I heard it put this way “If God did not exist than man would create one” and this is what has been done with the F.S.M. group. You have created a God and the Bible calls this idol worship. Often times groups in the Bible would create an idol to worship because they couldn’t see or hear or touch God.

No you! (OMG BEST COMEBACK EVER) I remind you that writing that your fake sky-daddy’s book is the word of sky-daddy does not actually make it an actual book of sky-daddy’s words. Even the unemployed goat-herders failed to get their stories to agree while wandering all about Israel as hobos.

God’s fingerprints are on all of creation and more and more scientists and peole are recognizing this alike. Antony Flew, one of the worlds most famous atheists has recently said that there is a God and one who is intelligent. The Bible does say clearly that man was created in his image (Genisis 1:27) so we know that God is not a flying spaghetti monster.

Actually, DNA (of humans and otherwise) is full of USELESS CRAP that was only necessary back before viruses mutated and in the direction of Archeans. It’d be pretty cool if we were at all efficient, but apparently there were a lot of mistakes along the way. Your sky-daddy figured it’d be fun for people to doubt his awesomeness, so he dropped those in. You know, for fun, since people on the whole are egotistical, inefficient, uncooperative, corruptible, and physically frail (at least, compared to Rhinos!). Your sky-daddy doesn’t sound like much, if we are made in his image. Also, She would also be a sky-mommy. FSM solves this problem by having Two Meatballs, many Noodles, and no sex. And clearly created a delicious Italian dish, if we are speaking of image.

On another note, God’s word was written because He loves us and showed his unending love for us through his son Jesus Christs death on the cross and ultimatley, His resurrection from the grave. Romans 10:9 says that “If you declare with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Salvation comes through Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ alone (John 14:6).

That’s cool. Letting your children die must be one of your sky-daddy’s virtues, according to precedent. But then, isn’t killing also uncool? So killing your own (or others’) children wouldn’t be right (since you’re against abortion), but maybe not having any children would do the trick, right? You know, emulate your sky-daddy and feel closer to him? I’d appreciate the lack of Your children, and I’m sure His Noodliness wouldn’t mind. He’s pro-choice, after all. Also, John and the Romans didn’t get the memo. Way to not read the Bible, John and Romans. Heretics!

I would recommend that anyone who is a follower of this group to read not only the Bible but a series of books from a former atheist called “The Case for Christ” and “the Case for Creator” and from there you can draw your own conclusions. If you are truly seeking for answers in life than I would encourage all of you to search for those answers and don’t just give up by creating your own religion/idol.

I’m going to guess that a lot of atheists have read the Bible, unlike yourself, who appear to be selective in reading only pro-sky-daddy books. And we think your literature is CRAP. (Plus, the writing style is horrendous! Who edits it? The Church?)

Romans 3:23 says that “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God”. That means you, me and everyone else in the entire world.

Romans are also the guys who killed Joshua (for real, it’s not Jesus). They also had some pretty awesome military tactics, as well as advanced forms of government, and even almost-modern plumbing. Plus, they would have orgies and were cool with homosexuality and ate a lot for fun before throwing it up on purpose, so really, I don’t think they cared much for your definition of sin. Also, sinfo.

Think about it, if all the people in the world were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and the ship was going down and there were no lifeboats, everyone would need a Savior no matter how hard they tried to save themselves. That savior is Jesus Christ. Every other religion in the world is saved through works and Christianity is the only one where we are saved by our faith alone. Once a person proclaims that Jeesus is Lord it is up to that person to live his/her life for Him.

Or, they could resign to their fate, and die like 1,517 people on the Titanic died. Joshua didn’t seem to help them with getting out alive, and so far as history shows, all the scientists, comedians, entertainers, and the majority of beautiful women wouldn’t get saved. I’d prefer to die with/like them, than with boring dudes who really like to pray. It’s not like living a boring sinless life will allow me to sin like a pro in the afterlife, will it?

I hope that this has been some help to all of you.

-CD

I hope that you go to your sky-daddy’s heaven and spend all of eternity BORED.

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Bullshit Makes the World Go Round

November 1, 2008 at 1:32 pm (Wrongs of the World) (, , , , , )

I used to bullshit for the fun of it. Bullshit can be compared to compulsive lying: you start making something up based on what you know, and with enough resolve and confidence everyone in the immediate vicinity will take you for an expert. Bullshit gives people a sort of social high: the attention, the apparent expertise, a sense of accomplishment and a personal appreciation for one’s wit.

Well, as a student at Carnegie Mellon, I no longer bullshit for no reason. Not only has the deception lost its luster, but outwitting the bright, high in IQ, and up-to-date on the latest in science, politics, world news is damn near impossible. However, I study physics, and I find that I no longer “bullshit” so much as I correctly explain the world. I know enough and I have imbibed enough physics-oriented thinking that when I make something up, it is not far off from reality.

Theists fail to approach this standard of basing their explanations of the world on the world itself. If I see my friend making something up, I catch those nuances in his voice and those slight incongruities in his arguments: he is bullshitting, and I can call him out on it. It is a public service because his falsehoods don’t get passed on to others. In fact, catching him in the act makes him less likely to bullshit in the future, at least with me around, and might drive him to actually research the subject before speaking on it.

So why is antitheist and antireligious speech quenched so strongly by society? Why can’t I, when hearing people discuss God and the Bible and the Torah and Jesus and the Messiah, call them out on putting their beliefs into some books and some stories? Hell, when Wikipedia has an article about anything they have to cite sources, and those sources have to correlate to the material. Of the “sources” available for religion, there are the Holy Books. Unfortunately these books barely correlate among each other, let alone with the religious views of the people quoting them. What sort of close-minded decision allows Christians to believe in the New Testament while not acknowledging Dianetics as the Holy Word? How can any theist claim to be correct with all others wrong, when the sources for ALL the groups are merely imagination-augmented renditions of various moral codes?

I call bullshit when I see it, and I see a lot of it. Every time I hear theists discuss their personal religions I cringe. But what hurts the most is when they discuss atheists: oh, those non-believers are fine, so long as they don’t speak out against my beliefs, seeing as how they are my beliefs, not theirs.

Well, theists of all faiths: speaking authoritatively on a subject that you not only have not researched but can do no research in to anyone publicly is a violation of the no-bullshit policy. Bullshit is fun, yes, and it makes you feel good for having outwitted someone. But bullshit is unnecessary. Take some physics courses, if you really do wonder about the creation of the universe. But please, PLEASE don’t speak about your religious beliefs as though you are right. Every scientist, if they don’t want to get ridiculed, has to gather massive amounts of supporting evidence before their theories are even tested by the scientific community. As a theist, you KNOW that your beliefs cannot be tested and proven right. So yes, your beliefs are personal. Keep them inside.

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God, Sims, Spore, Matrix, Reboot, MiB

September 27, 2008 at 6:11 pm (Metaphors and Allegories) (, , , , )

In ninth grade I watched Men in Black and had a thought: Why not? The last scene, where the locker door reveals a window to a meta universe of exponentially larger life to contrast the aforementioned Orion Galaxy, coupled in my mind with the Sims and The Matrix, and I came up with Username God. Since then I have made several revisions after playing Spore, watching Reboot, and learning to program.


Username God

Setting aside the beliefs of the usual everyday religious activists, and those who believe in the generic all-powerful God, I observe that the world evolves in all aspects, starting with us. Of course, other creatures evolve as well, but only our evolution is truly notable, for no species is able to comment upon the evolution of all others save for ourselves. And as time marches inexorably, and as we watch the incessant sway towards entropy, we find that intelligence and will and thought can no longer be housed within a set of singly instincts, but rather within a pseudo-infinite processing unit that is our brains. Why pseudo-infinite? Our brains are only matter, in our eyes, and thus, cannot hold more than their limit. However, since so few neurons are at work at any given time, the true capacity of the human brain is really quite large, by proportion far greater than any amount of knowledge needed for basic day-to-day survival.

But how was all of this created? The big bang, the spontaneous generation of the first cell, the proper conditions and a well placed bolt of lightning. All by chance, or by God we say. But God is inexplicable or so say the Saints. We are told God is omnipotent and then try to disprove that with paradoxes life “If God is all powerful, and can create and destroy whatever God may wish, can God create what God cannot destroy?”. Surely God can, if God is all-powerful. This would mean God would by no means be able to destroy it. And thus, with an infinitely recursive set of negations we define paradox and move on. But does it matter that God is omnipotent? Why would we even bother with such a premise, if it were not to rebel against him and his word. Are we that unhappy, that to stifle our blather we need to be told that our powers against him are null and void? Perhaps that is true. So what is this “miracle” we call life, and who is this “God” that is so much more powerful than us?

Life is a game. Cliché, and yet, this expression might shed some light on the essence of God. Life is a game, a personal game of the Sims or Spore where the user has called himself God. Why? For preparation for the multiplayer gameplay, where new worlds and other beings are introduced and can interact. If we are in a game, then we are in some form virtual, programmed. Our world is quantized, composed of elementary particles, bits. There are fundamental laws, just as in programming we define how addition and subtraction works. And there are objects and routines and functions, and we are cells and people and our cells do things and we do things. We are the not-yet-conscious sprites of Reboot. We form corporations and objects interact in subroutines, and we theorize and philosophize and programs produce output and error codes. But our world, as much as it evolves, does not change at the most basic states: atoms are atoms, electricity is electricity, cells are cells. The game has been written, and God is just playing. So no, just as we are not omnipotent with regards to our creatures in Spore, God is equally not omnipotent regarding us.

The repercussions? We, as what appears to be the chosen race of God, share his personality just as our Spore creatures reflect who we are inside, if not outside. We are omnivorous, ruthless, and reflective. So must be God, a conqueror, considerate afterwards, willing to do what is necessary but at times depressed and angry for the decisions he has made. God is no figure to be idolized: he may very well be one of many such players and we are one of many sentient races. We’ll find out when we finally enter the Heinleinic Diaspora of the space age and meet some ETs. Perhaps adoring our God will make him happy with our performance: or perhaps he will be frustrated with our stale inaction and actually pleasing him lies instead in ruthless progress. So who is right, the capitalists or theists?

Written by Yuriy Zubovski, 2003, edited 2008.


I also had a frivolous discussion about “afterlife” just now, and had an alternative set of thoughts. It seems rather unfair that we live for ~80 years on Earth and are then thrust into an eternity of suffering. Which leads me to ask: did we sign up for this? We must have, if “sinning” leads to eternal damnation in the pits of one hell or another: something on Earth is so worth it that our meta selves, our souls, made the choice to dive in and experience life. So worth it that an eternity of damnation is totally worth it. Could it be love? Maybe souls can’t experience love. Physical love? Physical sensation in general? Or maybe there is no eternal damnation, and souls just line up, waiting for their turn to get a body, any kind of body, and experience the greatest attraction of the meta-existence? Choose humans, and you get the widest range of sensation and emotion, the largest variety of physical experiences, but also eternal damnation for a social misuse. Meanwhile, pick some other being and forfeit sentience, but once you’re out it’s over, line up again. Perhaps it really is worth it to live, to sin, to deserve hell and then experience it, for the sake of living and loving it. So yes, maybe being faithful to the higher powers, preserving the world order, maintaining existence for the next souls that come is some form of meta-public service, commendable and unrewarded. Destroying others and ruining the world for future generations then is the true sin, what really should be reciprocated with eternal damnation. If there is a limited number of souls, then the good will cycle while the bad will rot, and unless we screw up the world too early, the only souls left to fill the bodies of Earth will be the good souls.

So going back to that, the moral of the story: realize for yourself what is good and what is bad. Will the consequences of your decision directly harm the world, for others and for future occupants? Do your actions now bring an end to the sensation for some else? Don’t rape, don’t kill, don’t pollute. Perhaps those are the cardinal sins, the sins worthy of eternal damnation. Don’t live with malice in your heart or malicious intent on your mind. Perhaps that, and just that, is the key to fulfillment. Forget the other rules, laws, maxims, ultimatums, lessons, and the word of whatever gods: Live for yourself but together with others. Oh, and progress. God likes progress.

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